It’s official: Fidget causes irreversible brain damage

It’s official: Fidget causes irreversible brain damage

8 August, 2008 | 10.08AM

• Written by: Junky Trunk Records
• Filed under: Videos : junky, rudder, trunk

After years of research from the most well-known and reputable medical physicians in the world, a final determination has been made: extensive use of fidget-house causes irreversible brain damage.

Case in point: the video you have just witnessed; starring Canada-based fidget-house producers Rudder.

No further research can dispute what’s strikingly evident in that video. 

When asked about this stunning assessment of the fidget-house subgenre of electronic music, Jon DeFiore (who runs Chicago imprint Junky Trunk Records; a longtime pusher of fidget-house) offered this:

“Upon serious evaluation of the video, in which Rudder shows an obvious mental retardation due to extensive overuse of fidget-house, I determined that I would have to either locate a physician who could treat them with the proper medication or….give them record deal; I obviously chose the latter”.

The news, however, is not all bad.

Despite the revelation, there is a way one can live somewhat of normal life and manage the condition.

And that, unequivocally, is ‘Group Therapy’.

Those in the medical community highly recommend Raymond Mather’s ‘Group Therapy’ with remixes by Rudder and Deviant Soundsystem to anyone who’s currently struggling with this serious, yet manageable neurological malfunction.

WARNING:
Due to ass-ripping basslines, ‘Group Therapy’ may cause anal leakage.

Please consult with your regular physician before using Group Therapy.

Raymond Mather ‘Group Therapy’ with remixes by Rudder & Deviant Soundsystem will be available for purchase August 18 2008 EXCLUSIVELY on Beatport.

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